


3 am

by kayethespade



Series: The Midnight Trilogy [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Attempted Murder, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kidnapping, M/M, Midnight Crew - Freeform, Midnight Crewstuck au, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:50:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayethespade/pseuds/kayethespade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an unincorporated place filled with violence and gambling, we delve into a world nearly an exact reflection of our own, with a few noticeable revisions. The ancestors are parents. The heroes work as "villains" in a place where good and evil have no meaning. And people die a lot. About the same as usual, actually. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Kinda violent. Kinda crazy. Majorly dysfunctional."

**Author's Note:**

> In all of my editing, I haven't deemed anything in this fic as graphic enough to warrant an Explicit rating. However, several scenes do get fairly intense in parts where the scene would normally be graphic. You have been warned.

I drifted in and out of consciousness, my pupils blown wide in the darkness. I vaguely felt the rumble of the road under me. I vaguely felt the tip of a gun poking me in the side violently. More than anything, I floated between dreaming and waking world.

I remembered who I was. Jade Harley, sophomore year of high school, sixteen years old. I kept my eyes closed to avoid attracting the attention of the armed men that surrounded me. They grabbed me and drugged me as I walked home from a school camp. Whoever they were, they likely knew that if I got free, I could run long-distance. Even so, there were six distinct voices emanating from above me. If I wanted to escape, I stayed low and stayed quiet.

“I still can’t believe we were able to nab a Harley,” a higher pitched, disjointed voice noted through the sound of clinking beer cans.

“You’d think that with mob bosses for parents and a grandfather, she’d be more careful,” called a surly, deep voice from the other side of the van.

“From her file, I read she was living with foster parents. Probably doesn’t even know how to fight,” a tenor man replied from the driver’s seat.

It took all I had to stay quiet, my inquisitive mind buzzing with questions. My parents were accountants, and my grandfather was a high-up business man. None of it could be true. They just didn’t have it in them. I remembered my parents going on business trips. They would come back complaining of aches and pains. I was too young to ask them why. Then my grandpa took me in. He took me on his business trips to Las Vegas. He left me with the hotel staff. I asked him why he came back with more bandages when I was seven. He said he did a little rough-housing on the side and not to worry about it. I was eight when he died. He'd left me with only my "older brother" for the first time ever, and he died of a “heart attack”.

Perhaps that “heart attack” was a bullet.

I wanted to cry. Everything I knew about my family dissolved and left me with nothing. I noticed that the van stopped while I was in the middle of a 10 out of 10 freak out. One of them checked to make sure I was still knocked out, then left me in there. I briefly saw the lights of a casino before they closed the back doors. They tied my arms behind my back with rope at some point. Lousy rookies. Couldn’t even tie a half-way decent knot. I untied myself with a grin, opening the doors to peer through the crack. Under the impression that I wouldn’t be waking up for a while, they didn’t bother to lock it. I didn’t know where I would go, but any place was better than here.

As soon as they all went in, I gradually opened the door the rest of the way, grabbing one of their black trench coats to disguise my clothing. Well…lack thereof considering it was pajama day at the summer camp. I zipped and buttoned it over my outfit. One of the thugs stayed behind to smoke a cigar. I dashed through the parking lot to hide behind another vehicle, continuing in this manner until I made my way to the sidewalk. So this was Paradise.

I didn’t know what time they’d be back, so I put as much distance between myself and the Lotus Flower Casino as possible. I just kept running, crossing the street and making a turn until I no longer saw the building when I looked back. I didn’t know where I’d turned, but now I saw a street lined with signs that offered things I only heard of from the douchebag guys in my civics class. Blow jobs. Hand jobs. Boob jobs. Then a thing I somewhat knew about: strippers. I mean, any option was better than captured. I walked down the street. I heard a coy, female voice speaking, and then I realized she was speaking at me.

“Hey, baby. You in the market for a good fuck?”

I turned towards her. She was a troll with short, pointed horns and red, leaf-shaped glasses.

“Maybe when I’m older. I, uhh, I was kidnapped and I don’t know where I am,” I whimpered.

“Baby, you should go to the police,” she answered with concern, putting a hand on my shoulder.

If they found out who I was, would I be on a watch list for the rest of my life? And what if the kids at school found out? I would be on Death Row my first day back to school. They’d already figured out I was bi, so figuring out that my relatives probably hurt people for monetary gain would make it even worse.

“No. I don’t want to go to the police,” I replied, a bit stronger.

“Mmm, you already got some beef with the coppers, you’ll fit right in. I’m Terezi, by the way. I don’t normally do this, but since the show’s about to start, you can stand in the back until I can conference with the other girls if you like. I can’t have such a pretty face staying out all alone,” she decided, pulling me in by my hand.

Heat flooded to my cheeks. I discovered my sexuality a few months ago, so it still felt weird when girls touched me. Just…so weird. My eyes scanned the room. All nature of customers sat at booths, at the bar, at tables. The room maintained a homey vibe with a low ceiling and white Christmas lights hung along the walls. I leaned against the wall heavily as Terezi headed backstage, blowing me a kiss over her shoulder. I jokingly caught it. I was just kidnapped; why the hell was I flirting with a stripper?

In my impatience, I searched through my new coat’s pockets. The left internal pocket held a package of cigarettes, a pistol, and a package of mints. The right internal pocket held a package of matches, another pistol, and a few chocolatey candies. I wasn’t going to trust the candy, so I edged to the trash can and tossed them in casually. Another girl caught them midair, sending me a glare.

“The fuck you doing, throwing away perfectly good Milky Ways?” said the girl with a metal arm.

“I wouldn’t eat those. The guy I jacked this coat from kidnapped me,” I answered.

“Ha, good one,” she replied, beginning to unwrap one.

“I’m serious,” I muttered. She stared at me with one eye. Her other was covered by a black patch on her glasses.

“...Vriska Serket,” she introduced herself, extending her flesh arm to me for a handshake. I took her hand and shook it with a shy grin. For the first time, I noticed the outfit under the jacket. A maid dress and fishnet tights.

“Shouldn’t you be backstage?” I asked.

“I couldn’t let such a crime go unnoticed, but be sure to stay after the show, baby,” Vriska sighed, kissing my hand before she strutted the way Terezi went. Immediately after she disappeared from sight, the lights dimmed seductively.

“Love is like a bom-om-om"

They were seriously doing ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’ to start off the night. Well done, set organizers. Well done.  
Terezi walked out first, lip synching beautifully. Had she sung, the annunciation would have been perfect. She bent over to give the audience a good look at her ass, doing a little shake before she strutted back to a pole for the chorus. A ram-horned troll headed out into the crowd, dancing on one of the tables saucily. A few guys put bills in her thong. She winked back at them as she mouthed the words. It carried on like this until the end of the song. I clapped, but covered my ears as nearly everyone in the room screamed.

I made my way to the bathroom to escape the noise, sighing to myself as I sat on the counter of the sink. Everything still felt too new. I was in a strip club. I certainly wasn’t in Kansas anymore. Dave would be trying to find me, but he wouldn’t like me anymore when he did. I hated the idea of him hating me, imagining a frown on his face. I took a deep breath. I walked back out to my spot by the trash can. My new home, most likely.

The next song was Walk of Shame.  
Then Anaconda.  
Then a few that I didn’t recognize.  
Then the show ended.

All the girls came out front so that the customers could walk by and tip those they liked best. Each girl had a rather literal buttload of bills by the time the last customer shambled out.

“Okay guys, so I found a lost puppy while I was advertising right before the show,” Terezi began, picking the bills out of her underwear. I tried not to stare too much, instead looking down at my shoes.

“Terezi, you should really stop picking up girlfriends off the street. You know what happened last time,” a jade-blood interjected with a small pat on her shoulder.

“I know, but it’s not like that…yet,” she continued. I blushed brightly at that last word.

“Yeah, seriously. From what I could get out of her, girl got kidnapped,” Vriska sighed, lighting up a cigarette.

“Oh shit,” the ram-horned girl muttered.

“Woah, really?” a smaller, olive-blood asked.

“She has no reason to lie. Besides. Empath. Duh,” Vriska answered.

“Okay, so where is she going to room?” the jade-blood considered aloud.

“Woah! You’re serious?” I interjected from the corner. They all jumped, as if they’d forgotten that I was there.

“Well yeah. Can’t leave a sister behind,” Vriska stated matter-of-factly. I questioningly tilted my head. She rolled her eyes in amusement. “I recognize you from your grandpa and your parents. My mom kicked me out for not getting into the family business. You’re safe here.” I stiffened slightly, drawing my coat around me worriedly.

“Oh dear, are you cold? Let’s get you back up to the apartment,” the jade-blood suggested, sitting down and hopping off the stage. She walked to me, putting her arm around me comfortingly. She reminded me of my mom, in a way. I walked with her backstage, the rest of the troop falling in step behind us.

The upstairs apartment felt about as homey as the strip club. Not a sentence I thought would apply to my life ever. There were a few abstractly shaped lamps, a few doors leading to a few small rooms with a bunk beds in each, another leading to a bathroom. A couple couches, an old radio, and a stationary computer occupied the main room. I leaned a bit closer to the mom-friend.

“Hey, I, um, I’m only wearing pajamas,” Everyone’s head snapped in my direction, “Can I have something else to wear?”

“Bra size?” she replied, heading towards a closet by the apartment’s door.

“Th-thirty-four D in Victoria’s Secret sizes.” She reached into some drawers on the top shelf in the closet, rustling through before she found the right one. She tossed it my way.

“I will guess that you are a large in Wal-Mart undergarments?” she continued. I nodded. She tossed an unopened package of panties in my general direction. “Medium in t-shirts?” I nodded.

“I’ve got jeans that she can borrow,” Vriska suggested. The jade-blood tsked at her, “She would require a belt.” Instead, she took a pair of what I guess were her own jeans, looking at them a bit sadly before handing them to me.

I sped into the bathroom down the hall and to the left. I changed slowly, almost appreciating myself as I glanced into the pristine mirror. I curtly nodded in approval as I tugged on the shirt and jeans. I emerged from the bathroom, bumping into another troll on my way out. The force of my stride knocked her to the floor.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!” I apologized, reaching my hand down to offer help.

“Guuuuuurl it’s no big deal,” she waved it off, smiling genuinely. She was teal too. “The team has already filled me in. V nice to meet you. Name’s Latula."

“Harley. Sorry. Jade Harley,” I mumbled as she took me by the arm back to the main room. I sat on the couch, crossing my legs and folding my hands.

“Okay, Jade. I guess it’s time to introduce you to everybody,” Vriska began, standing up and pointing to everyone in turn. “Nepeta. Moi, Vriska. Aradia. Feferi. Fussy-fan-I mean…Kanaya. Terezi. Latula. Welcome to the Harem,” she continued, bowing ceremoniously.

“Thanks for taking me in, okay. For obvious reasons, I really don’t want to go to public school,” I sighed, accepting Kanaya’s blanket around my shoulders and a cup of tea in my hands.

“You’d need a legal guardian, and we are anything but legal,” Terezi answered, giggling drily.

“So…what can I do around here?” I asked, sipping the drink.

“If you can do the cleaning at least sometimes, then it should be fine. You’re a little young to start dancing or bar tending. You could be a waitress, but our customers get a little handsy, so I’d prefer not,” Kanaya suggested. Everybody else nodded in agreement, as though her word was law.

“Thank you. I’ll start tomorrow,” I muttered, drowning my sorrows in tea. After a few sips, my head started to feel fuzzy.

“Um, Kanaya?” Terezi interjected.

“Yes?”

“Which tea did you serve her?”

“The stuff in the metal green contai-…"

“That was my emergency weed, you ditz,” she giggled.

“Oh dear, um. That’s enough of that,” Kanaya yelped, gently taking the tea from me.

I joined Terezi’s giggle fest. “Oh my god,” I whispered, “Is this what rollercoasters feel like?"

“Okay, let’s get you off to bed, alright? Yeah. I’ll let you room with me,” Terezi suggested, gently carrying me to the bottom bunk of her bed. I drifted off to sleep easily, which was comforting considering how much I’d been through in the last few hours.

~~~~~~~

I woke up in a cold sweat, glancing over to find a glass of water. I guessed it was probably from Kanaya. I swallowed it down, but choked on the last gulp. A burning feeling searing my throat. I sighed in resignation, gathering one of the blankets around me. I walked into the common area, wandered out onto the balcony. The view showcased all of the casinos with the sun low in the sky beyond. That was the direction of home, but what even was home to me anymore? A place filled with memories that I made under false pretenses, pretenses that I never chose for myself. A place I could never return to. A place that hated me for all that I was, even when it wasn’t my doing.

Dave. In all of the rush, I forgot to miss him. I could have tried to find him, but what would he think me? Even he couldn’t forgive me for what my parents did. Not when his big bro was one and had taught him to be one most likely.

“Hey, kid,” a cheerful voice said from behind me. A shiver ran up my spine.

“Hey. Aradia, right?” I answered.

“Yeah. I heard you wake up and decided to investigate.”

“Ha. Thanks."

“No problem."

A couple moments past.

“You got high as balls last night.” she interjected, walking over to stand beside me near the rail.

“Well, that explains the insane dreams and the paranoia.”

“Ahhhh. First time doing weed, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna say probably my last as well."

“Hey, at least you tried it…kind of.” I giggled at her well-place comment.

“So…what’s it like here?"

“Kinda violent. Kinda crazy. Majorly dysfunctional."

“Ah.”

“Still wanna stay?”

“The alternative is worse."

“Well, that’s how it is for every person in there.” I looked over at her. Perhaps she thought that I thought I was better than them. I don’t know where she got that perception from, but for some reason, I wanted her to know that I didn’t feel like I was worthy of anything.  
“They all have their stories, and you’ll probably learn them soon enough. I just wanted to be the first.”

“How considerate.”

“The Megidos are hired help for the biggest mob boss in this place. Damara stayed with mom. I followed my friends. I wanted to make sure they all made it out alright."

“Make it out of what?"

“If you would let me finish, maybe I would tell you. Goddamn. Anyways…all of them but two come from crime boss mothers of extremely conflicting loyalties. Our parents were going to force their war on us, even though we went to school together over in Vegas. Had to ride the same damn bus to school. I helped them get out with a few of the time tricks my mom taught me. Most of them would have been targeted for death along with their parents.”

I nodded in understanding. They needed each other. “So..how did you all get into prostitution?”

“Can you call it sex work? Thanks. My matesprit, sorry, boyfriend, Sollux, helped me save up for this place. Everyone who lives here full time couldn’t really live or work anywhere else without attracting our moms' attention. Nepeta suggested that we try sex work since nobody would hire us anyways, and the only place anyone would house us was here. Family ties and all that. Here we are, rolling in dollar bills.” A deep silence ensued as I looked out over the city. I laughed a little bit. “Something funny?”

“No, I just remembered the weed tea.”

“Honey, that was just weed that Kanaya boiled into tea. She probably would have smelled it if she didn’t have constant allergies. Something about the pollen on this planet.”

“Ha. Right. Yeah. When does everyone get up around here?”

“Pretty soon. It’s almost ten, which is pretty standard wakeup time. Almost everyone goes out to start doing appointments at one."

“Appointments?”

“Intimate sex work with clients and such.”

“Oh. Right. Does anybody stay around?”

“Everyone alternates so that somebody watches the house. We’ll make sure you don’t get lonely.”

“Thanks.”

“I was almost in your place, y’know.”

“Hm?”

“Vriska’s mom decided that messing with Lord English would be fun.” A shiver ran down my spine. I knew of English, and if I knew anything about my relatives, they would do anything to take down a guy abusing that much power. Maybe they weren’t just in this for the money and infamy.

“How come the police haven’t taken him down yet?” I asked

“He has money from the drugs, the sex slavery, the casinos to keep the feds away. He extorts other brothels for money, but Sollux makes sure he never messes around with us.”

“He pays the big guy?”

“Nope. We work together to keep this place protected by mmmmagic.”

“Oh wow. I mean..I know how to work around with space. Solo, short range teleportation, growing and shrinking minimally, but I don’t think I could do anything like that."

“Hey! You’re still growing. You could do something amazing yet,” a small, perky voice called from behind us. Nepeta, along with everyone else, was up and around, getting breakfast.

I grinned, walking into the living room. I stepped in line to grab whatever cereal they served. I realized soon after that I left my bra off to sleep, and hadn’t put it back on. Being a gayish young girl, I flushed red. I took my cereal and took a seat on the couch. I casually ate my breakfast, tuning out from the conversations. For whatever reason, I just kept staring forward, just eating and staring. Soon enough, someone snapped their fingers in front of my eyes. I blinked back to reality-land. Across from me sat Terezi. I face palmed in embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t staring at you. I mean, my eyes were open, but I wasn’t actually perceiving anything so I just kind of kept eating without really thinking about anything-"

“Don’t worry. Almost everyone else was checking out your nips. We don’t have those, so yeah. No worries.” Terezi sighed, laughing at my flustered expression. I remembered being the only one out in gym class, surrounded by at least kind of busty cheerleaders. I was not exactly the most big-breasted one, so I got a lot of flack for that.

“Aren’t humans supposed to embarrassed about their nipples?” Vriska asked, taking the seat beside me.

“For girls, at least. But I’m kind of just tired of it. And I don’t want to put on my bra yet,” I said through a mouthful of generic brand cereal.

“Oh right. You human girls are expected to where those at most times. We keep them around for when one of these knuckleheads has a human fling, but we don’t wear them. What are they like?” Kanaya asked from behind me, rubbing her eye sleepily.

“They’re about as comfortable as you could expect straps digging into your shoulders and fabric-covered wire under your boobs to be,” I sighed. Various noises of sympathy sounded around the room.

“Well that’s fucking stupid. Don’t feel like you have to wear a bra around the house if you don’t want to,” Terezi suggested. I finger-saluted her in gratitude.

“I mean, when you’re just getting boobs, they usually don’t have a wire, but it’s no less uncomfortable,” I continued.

“I just can’t imagine wearing that all damn day,” Aradia grumbled from her place on one of the couch arms.

“I know. And guys can go shirtless, but girls can’t. The furrick is up with that?” Nepeta said from the floor by my feet.

“Wow. Hearing all of this out loud makes you realize how stupid this shit is,” I muttered. A collective “Amen” sounded.

I quickly finished my cereal, leaning over to cuddle one of the couch cushions.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Kanaya asked, patting my head.

“Meh. I slept in theory, but I don’t feel rested."

“Nightmares?” Vriska asked. I looked down. “If you ever need to defend yourself around here, we keep discrete weapons around. I’ve got a magic eight ball. Terezi has a cane. Kanaya has several tubes of lipstick. Everybody else mostly uses mmmmmagic or keeps their weapons on them. Aradia uses rope. Nepeta uses claws built into her gloves. Latula doesn’t fight a lot,” she explained.

“I’m pretty good with a rifle, but I can make do with the pistols I found in the jacket I took,” I answered. General agreement.

“Not bad, baby. You’ll do fine,” Terezi sighed, playfully punching my arm. Everybody else finished their breakfast and wandered off to fix themselves up. It was just Nepeta and I left.

“So…what were your nightmares about?” she asked, looking up at me curiously.

“My best friend from back home attacked me, and I couldn’t defend myself. I was just…helpless,” I said.

“They’re your best furriend, right?”

“Well…yeah?"

“Then they wouldn’t do that no matter what. If they would, then maybe they aren’t really your furriend, so their opinion of you doesn’t matter,” she suggested.

I gave a huff of a laugh. “Thank you, Nepeta. I appreciate the advice.” She nodded in recognition before heading off to the bathroom. Vriska made it to the door first.

“I’ve got an 11 am client. Wish me luck!” she yelled over her shoulder.

I tuned out the various chatter, eyeing a desktop computer in the corner. I walked over to it with my breakfast, logging onto the guest account. I decided to look up a little bit about the Harley family in Paradise. The idea to Google myself seemed too self-centered when somebody in my class suggested it, but I wanted to know what my parents and grandpa meddled in now that I had a general direction.

The first few results were fulfilled contracts that they’d taken in the past from a contract forum. An interrogation here, a revenge plot there. The last one for my parents, negotiated a few days before they’d been killed, was a raid on Lord English’s mansion with a $500,000 reward. I didn’t know much about the mafia, but my parents must’ve had a personal vendetta to go on a mission that dangerous. Even for me, a sixteen year-old, the number of zeros in the reward set off my warning signals. I mean, I also started to salivate because that amount of money could have done so much for me. And they probably knew it.

Then I came to the case where my grandpa was killed last year. He went in with a raiding party on that same mansion. Upon further investigation, the person who posted the job offer had a green skull with flashing rainbow eyes as their profile picture. I recognized that logo anywhere. My breath hitched as I stared at the wall over the computer.

“Hey, Jade. Do you-oh shit,” I heard Terezi behind me. The flashing colors reflected in her glasses. She closed the web page and logged out for me.

“He kidnapped me. He took everything good in my life from me and he still wanted to destroy me. I’m just a kid,” I whimpered. She hugged me to her. “I’m just a kid."

“Sometimes them’s the breaks, but I’m so sorry you got dragged into all this so young,” Terezi whispered. I nodded, wrapping my arms around her waist. I felt tears slipping down my cheeks and landing on her dress. Even though it hurt to think, with Terezi there shooshing me, I knew, somehow, that everything would be alright.


	2. "Quick question: are troll kinks different from human kinks?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some implied sexual content happens in this chapter. No actual nudity was intended to happen, but it can be interpreted differently. You have been warned.

Over the next couple years, I carried on with my former hobbies. They told me it would create some kind of normalcy. My room mates helped me pay to have some plants on the balcony. I sold the fruits of the ones I cultivated in a slightly more reputable part of Paradise. After about a year, I bought a pretty decent bass so that I could play again. I built my own sort of silly wardrobe, with a few slightly grown up pieces for my own enjoyment. Well…partially just my enjoyment.

Occasionally, I flirted with Terezi. And she would flirt back. Sometimes we slept in the same bed when one of us had nightmares. I learned about how her mom fought against the mafia. She was the de facto police chief in this place, following the law as closely as possible. When her mother learned that she and Latula were friends with the children of her mortal enemies, she forced them to choose. They chose their friends. She told them that they could call her for emergencies, but neither of them wanted to come crying to mommy.

Later, we established that we wanted to be girlfriends around Christmas, just in time for me to give her a new pair of her signature glasses. I wanted to take it slow to avoid utter confusion, but I researched troll anatomy in some of my free hours. I wanted to figure out how to be good when I was ready for my first time.

On my eighteenth birthday, the celebration that they hosted rivaled the fireworks show last New Years Eve. I looked around at the small gathering of girls with all of my favorite foods. I’d mulled over this idea for a few months, but I didn’t really know how it would go if I put it into words. I nervously asked for everyone’s attention.

“Okay, so I’ve been living here for two years, and I want to do more than just sell fruit and clean up to earn my keep. I feel like I can do more in the club now that I’m eighteen. So….will you guys teach me how to strip?” I suggested.

“We’ll need to discuss this and put it to a vote. Could you please step out of the room for a moment, Jade?” Kanaya asked politely. I nodded, standing up and walking towards my bedroom. As soon as they turn back to each other, I ducked into the closest room to eavesdrop.

“I knew she would want to do this eventually,” Kanaya said, sounding regretful.

“I can tell that she wants to try to earn something of her self-worth back. These past couple years have been really hard on her,” Aradia added.

“We got into this at far younger ages. I’m actually really proud of her for not compromising her morals,” Terezi said with a toothy smile.

“If she’s popular, she might receive requests for other services, and as far as we know, she hasn’t had her first time yet,” Feferi interjected.

“We could see if she’s up for it, and if not, we can tell them that she’s too young,” Nepeta suggested.

“She seemed like she’s already put a lot of thought into this. I think she’s ready,” Latula said.

“I’m just worried that clients might try to take advantage of her innocence,” Vriska mumbled.

“So we prepare her for the worst and hope for the best!” Feferi exclaimed, covering her mouth when she became conscious of her volume.

“Okay. Let’s put this to the vote. All in favor of teaching Jade,” Kanaya sighed, raising her hand. They all raised their hands. “None opposed? I guess we’ll teach her, then.”

I peeked out from behind the wall, finally letting out the breath I’d been holding. “On the topic of sex with clients, I, um, I want my, uh, I really want my first-"

“You really want your sexual debut to be a fucking blockbuster. It’s cool. We understand,” Vriska interrupted. I smiled at them shyly.

“I mean, now that it’s legally okay for me to do the do-"

“Babe, please don’t call it that,” Terezi sighed.

“Okay. Now that it’s legally okay for me to have the sex, I think I’m almost ready. I kind of just need a crash course on how it works between trolls and human anatomy,” I continued. Latula looked back at Kanaya and Terezi with “I got this” written all over her face.

“By now you’ve probably figured out that all trolls have a slimy tentacle that retreats into a sheath for one part of their anatomy, and something akin to the human vagina for the other part. A troll and a human having sex is pretty similar to two humans having sex. After some foreplay, the bulge comes out of its sheath. Sometimes penetration of the human’s nether-regions occurs, sometimes the humans stick it in their mouth. Sometimes no penetration happens, and rather a boob or hand or whatever job happens. As for where all the genetic material goes, trolls and humans cannot create a weird, monstrous hybrid because viable troll genetic material comes in heat cycles, kind of like dogs. Additionally, this cycle and the human menstruation cycle have not been shown to sync up, so it is impossible for a troll to get a human pregnant and vice versa. If you are concerned that a slip up may happen, trolls can instinctually pull out right before they climax, so have a bucket ready,” Latula explained quickly.

"Quick question: are troll kinks different from human kinks?" I asked. Nepeta giggled slightly at my bluntness.

"Sometimes humans are in favor of integrating things that would normally be considered black rom, like spanking and pronounced power dynamics, into what we consider red rom relationships. Also pet play and daddy kinks are both scandalous in troll society. I mean, our lusii were our "dads" historically, but we used to play zookeeper for them as well. Master/slave and sir/whatever derogatory name dynamics are considered fine," Vriska continued.

"Alrighty, then. Am I missing anything?" I asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"Terezi really likes biting, hair pulling, all that jazz," Feferi piped up.

"First of all how dare you," Terezi interjected, her cheeks flushing teal. I attempted to wiggle my eyebrows suggestively. "Babe. Babe, no," she pleaded.

"Babe, yes!" I replied.

"Babe, stop," Terezi sighed.

I shrugged. "Okay. Anyways, let's eat!"

Kanaya decided that she would teach me how to dance first. She could twerk like nobody's business, so I happily watched her demonstrate.

“Your turn,” she said, wiping her forehead with a towel.

I stood up, bending my knees in a manner similar to her, and then I rolled my spine repetitively.

“Okay wow, no,” Kanaya whispered.

“I know. I know. I never really learned, and I didn’t have dance lessons. I mean, I did gymnastics when I was younger, but that’s different,” I rambled apologetically.

“Darling, I have an idea,” she thought aloud. I waited for her to continue. “How advanced were you as a gymnast?”

“Top of my class. Why?” I stretched my arm across my chest. Kanaya had me do a straddle jump and land in a squat.

“That is your stance. Now arch your back against my hand,” she ordered, placing her hand on the small of my back. I grinned as I did so. “Keep your hands on your knees. Keep your stance, but shake your bum,” Kanaya continued, taking her hand away.

This felt a lot better. It didn’t put quite as much strain on my thighs or knees. Kanaya smiled over at me. “Keep your back in the same general place,” she said over the booming rap music.

“This is so much fun!” I yelled back.

“Now you understand why we do it?” Feferi asked as she leaned against the front door frame in her work clothes. My knees shook until I fell to the ground. Kanaya turned off the music.

“I’ve figured out what’s wrong,” she sighed.  
“I lost my stance?” I said.  
“No, Jade. You have no self-confidence,” Kanaya replied. I looked down at the floor, shaking my head. “It’s normal for teenagers to be insecure about who they are, and you’re still trying to figure out who you want to be in life. You will have to get used to performing in front of people, but we won’t make you until you feel you’re ready. Now, I want you to do it again,” she explained, patting my head reassuringly.

I got to my feet just as the music started. Kanaya and Feferi swapped places. It was time for Kanaya’s client, and Fef had an off hour. I wasn’t particularly fond of kids’ TV shows, but the soundtrack from this one in particular was fun to practice to.

As the song ended, Feferi smiled at me with all of her teeth. Sometimes I found the way she and Aradia smiled a little creepy, but they made up for it by being extremely sweet.

“You’ll need to work on twerking a little bit more, but I think we can move downstairs to practice pole work,” Feferi suggested, leading me downstairs.

My teaching continued on in this manner, switching from coach to coach. Vriska taught me lap dancing. Aradia taught me how to work a crowd, stage presence. Nepeta taught me how to negotiate with clients. (That girl is savage.) Latula delved into the fine arts of table dancing. Terezi taught me how to “please” the clients…and her. Each lesson improved my confidence. I felt like I was ready to dance at least, and maybe in a few months, I could start scheduling appointments.

My first night as a stripper, Vriska introduced me to the crowd in a way that was very…Vriska.

We walked to the end of the catwalk together. I felt somewhat self-conscious in the short school girls outfit, but I elected to ignore it.

“Let’s have a round of applause for our newest dancer. Finally adding some variety up in here,” she called to the crowd. I smiled, waving to the crowd in front. I turned to the crowd a bit to the right behind me. I could feel Vriska lifting my skirt to show off my ass, lacy green panties barely covering anything. I looked over my shoulder, gasping open-mouthed with a fake-innocent expression. They were already cheering.

“Let’s have a good time!” I yelled to the crowd, eliciting whoops and whistles.

My song was Party Rock Anthem.  
The next song was Wobble. Not my favorite, but it was pretty decent.  
Then Shout. (Now we’re talking).  
Then U & Ur Hand. (For the ladies).  
Then a few that I didn’t participate in.  
Then No Diggity.  
And then it was over.

There were so many high numbered bills in my underwear. I grinned over my shoulder, blowing kisses.

“I’d love to see that ass on my bulge,” yelled a random client.  
“Thank you, baby,” I said back with a wink.

A large, violet man with two long scars across his face that sat in a booth at the back of the room walked up to me and handed me a thick stack of a hundred dollar bills. I did my innocent face again.

“Thank you so much, sir!” I blanched.  
“No, thank you. Jade, was it? You put on an amazing show, darling,” he complimented.

I curtsied thankfully.

“My name is Cronus Ampora, but you can call me Dualscar. Will you be taking appointments anytime soon?” he asked politely.  
“I’m planning to see if I have an appeal first, but I certainly hope so!” I replied.

On top of my stack of hundreds, he pressed a business card into my hand.  
“Feel free to call when that time comes, my dear,” Dualscar encouraged before leaving the club. I waved after him with a smile.  
“Depend on it, sir!” I yelled after him.

I took a breath and turned around to look at the other girls. They all presented various degrees of happiness and surprise on their faces.  
“So…how’d I do?” I asked nervously. I was met with a chorus of excited screeching.

“You got your first potential client on your first night when you’re still learning how to strip. Way to be a kid!” Terezi congratulated, hugging me tightly. I hugged her back with a content sigh.

“I am both surprised and impressed and…I am so proud of you!” Kanaya said with a small smile.

“I’ll say that mew handled that purrfectly!” Nepeta interjected as she removed the bills from her underwear.

“Not to mention that’s at least two grand,” Aradia sighed. My eyes bulged out of my head at that number.

“I recognized him,” Vriska growled. I turned to her at the tone of her voice. “He and my mom used to have a black fling that hit the extreme. He’s hunting her down, and if he found this place, then he knows where a slew of mafia children are but doesn’t recognize us. I say we use his money to fund the mafia resistance,” she suggested with a glint in her eyes.

“All in favor,” Kanaya sighed, raising her hand. Nobody opposed, so the motion passed.

“Good, now let’s get upstairs for a little fun, baby,” Terezi ordered. I shivered when she wrapped an arm around my shoulder to cop a feel. I nodded enthusiastically.

“We won’t interrupt, sis,” Latula confirmed.

Terezi led me to the sex attic, and we used it for its obvious intended purpose.

~~~~~~~

A couple months later, I booked my first appointments. Terezi prepared me for the worst, the best, and everything in between. Her favorite advice? “When you don’t get to orgasm, fake it. When you do get to orgasm, thank them.” I wasn’t really expecting much based on this, but that didn’t exactly make me any less nervous. I let Kanaya dress me.

“You need to make your clothes as enticing and easy to take off as possible. Most of us generally don’t wear panties to jobs. That’s your choice, but if you’re a squirter, I definitely wouldn’t. Wear these flats with this dress. You have tall clients, and most of them are in favor of short women. Since you haven’t hit your growth spurt yet, you fit the bill in flats. Good. Okay, Feferi did your make up. She knows what the high blood individuals you’re serving today like, so that’s a plus. Look up at me,” she spouted off, tilting my chin up to look at her.

“If anything happens to you that you didn’t consent to, tell one of us. Got it?” Kanaya finished.  
“Yes, Kanaya,” I answered.  
“Good. Be home in time for dinner at ten before you go back out for a few more clients from eleven to midnight, midnight to one, and one to two. Be home for good by 2:30 or we’ll start getting antsy,” Kanaya continued, handing me the addresses to ride the bus to. None of us had an official drivers license, since those are issued by the state, and the state absolutely hates us.

All of my clients went fine. They’d all been cleared by the other girls as safe for me. They were all polite. One had a foot fetish. Another wanted me to use a strap on for him. My second to last one wanted to fuck my ass without lube. Terezi taught me how to work with all those, and Nepeta’s class taught me how to negotiate for lube. All of these went well. I got to climax twice out of my nine and a half sessions. The half had to be cut short when he realized he had to leave to go out of town. No big deal.

I headed back out on schedule. My next client wanted to spank me “like the little whore I [am]”. Hey, whatever got them to pay, and boy did that man pay well. Same with the next one, who wanted to do pet play.

I came to my last appointment in this day: Dualscar Ampora. I pulled up to his estate on the north side of town. It was the largest house I’d ever seen in real life to my recollection. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was compensating for something. As I walked in, I became quite sure that he was compensating for something.

“Thank you for arriving early, Miss Smith. Come in, I’m just finished up in the bathroom,” Dualscar called with a bit of an echo. I followed his voice with a polite smile. He was in a clean, black button-up and a pair of slacks. This struck me as somewhat odd attire when you know that a sex worker will be over, but I set my assumptions aside. Perhaps he only wanted to seem put together. Nothing strange about that.

“I read what you feel ready to consent to, and everything I’d like is on the list. I looked over your safe words, gestures, etcetera before you arrived. I’d prefer for you to call me “Daddy” and I’ll call you “baby”. Are you okay with what I’m going to do being a surprise?” Dualscar dictated in what I considered a fatherly manner.

“Yes, Daddy,” I replied shortly.

“You learn fast. Good. I expect a lot from you,” he answered, gesturing for me to come closer. I obeyed, stepping out of my flats. I looked down at my feet respectfully, but he gently took my chin to inspect my face. My friends had done everything they could to conceal my identifying features. My bright green eyes were made a brilliant shade of hazel with colored contacts. They dyed my hair dark brown, only a tad lighter than my naturally black hair. My make-up held up extremely well. That innocent look in his eyes drew me in as he unzipped my dress. The top fell off to reveal my bra, but it stayed on at my hips. He tugged the dress off my hips gently, leaving me in only my undergarments.

I noticed how close I was to him. I reached back to undo my bra myself. He tutted correctively.

“No, no. I didn’t tell you to take that off yourself,” Dualscar growled.  
“Sorry, Daddy,” I whimpered from a quick swat to my ass. He grinned down at me.  
“By now you know for sure that naughty children, get punishment,” he added, leading me into his connected bedroom. Dualscar sat on the bed, pulling me by the wrist to lay down on his lap.

“How many clients did you have today, baby?” he asked, softly rubbing my already sore ass. I winced slightly.  
“Twelve, Daddy. I had twelve clients today,” I answered in a nervous voice. I knew that Dualscar couldn’t do anything that I hadn’t consented to, but the mystery caused a shake in my tone.  
I heard him shift to take off his belt. He folded it and brought it down hard. I gasped in pain.  
“Count them,” he ordered.  
“O-one,” I yelped. Dualscar landed a smack on the other cheek. “Two."  
By six, I was breathing a lot heavier. At ten, he rubbed my ass soothingly while I sobbed the number into his quilt. Instead of his belt, he used his hand for the last two. In some sort of pity, they were less painful than the others.  
“Twelve,” I finished. Dualscar ran his fingers through my hair, petting me calmly. He moved me to sit in his lap, reaching over to grab a box of tissues for my eyes and nose.  
“You did such a good job at taking your punishment. How many times did you cum today, baby?” Dualscar asked while he placed one of his hands on my inner thigh.  
“Twice, Daddy,” I answered, regaining a bit of my confidence.  
“That won’t do. I say we try to triple that number. How does that sound?” he considered. My face must have lit up, because he leaned down to kiss my forehead.  
“Lay down on the bed, baby,” he sighed, loosening his hands from around me.

And then the rest is private.

~~~~~~~

I walked through the door of the apartment with a sigh. Dualscar may have been hunting down one of my friend’s estranged mothers, but he certainly kept his promises.

“Oh wow you look cum-drunk in the eyes,” Aradia sighed as she helped me through the door.  
“Ah man, how deep into sub space did you get?” Vriska asked from the couch.  
“Very. I’d already had two over the course of my day, but my last client decided he wanted to triple that number after I got the spanking of a lifetime. So yeah, pretty deep,” I explained as Kanaya started to remove my makeup.  
“Daddy kink?” Latula asked through a mouthful of toothpaste.  
“Yeah. How’d you know?” I said.  
“They have the tendency to swap between really bad punishment and the best rewards for their subs,” Terezi answered, aiding me in the walk to our room.  
“Hey, it was better than the guy who I had to convince to lube up my ass,” I sighed, sitting on Terezi’s bed.

She closed the door, taking my dress off for me. I took care of the shoes myself. I would take off my bra after I put on a pajama shirt, which Terezi handed to me. She laid down next to me, offering to be the big spoon tonight. I smiled over at her, smooching her cheek before I turned over. She wrapped an arm around my stomach while I semi-cuddled a blanket.

“I love you, babe,” I murmured right before I drifted off to sleep.


	3. I wanted to stay in bed forever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much gun violence. No graphic descriptions of wounds.

My weekly appointments with Dualscar went about as well as the first one. After our seventh appointment, I was getting my dress back on when he sat down beside me.

"Are you doing okay?" Dualscar asked.

“A little sore, but good sore,” I sighed, stretching my arms a little. He handed me my payment with a small smile. I flicked through to make sure it was the right amount.

“I’m in need of a different service next Wednesday. Would you be in favor of attending a meeting with me?” he asked.

“What exactly would be my duties, Daddy?” I said with a small yawn.

“You’d only need act as my significant other for an evening. I’ll drive you back to you place of residence by the end of our customary meeting time,” Dualscar explained.

“I’ll call you later today to confirm my answer, Daddy. It will probably be a yes,” I answered, putting on my shoes and taking my purse.

“Thank you. I look forward to your call, baby,” he sighed. I nodded, walking out to the door, and out to the bus stop.

And up to my shared bed with Terezi. And up again as the house once again roused. As everyone sat down for breakfast, I nervously got Aradia’s attention.

“Okay, so I need to know if this is standard,” I began.  
“Spit it out, Jadey,” she grumbled through a mouthful of bagel.  
“Dualscar asked me to be an escort to a meeting next weekend. Is that standard for a sex worker?” I asked.  
“Hmmm, it’s uncommon. I wouldn’t take the job simply because it’s an unspecified meeting with Dualscar,” Aradia chimed in.  
“What’s up? Is he really that dangerous?” I said.  
“He is a mafia boss. That means he’s used to disregarding lives. I don’t want him to disregard yours, Jade,” Aradia muttered.  
“He didn’t tell me it would be violent, so I won’t assume it is,” I answered.  
“Okay. Don’t cry to me when you get yourself shot,” she growled before taking another bite.

I nodded noncommittally. I called Dualscar to confirm the appointment.

“What time should I be there, Daddy?” I asked. I heard the other girls giggling at how I called him that over the phone.  
“Be at my house around 6:30 pm. I’ll see you then, baby,” he replied before hanging up.

“I seriously can’t get over the fact that you call him “Daddy”, dude,” Latula laughed once I put down the phone.  
“I like being a good girl. It gets me paid in orgasms. I mean, he’s still a fucking sadist, but he definitely pays well,” I sighed.  
“Lol. Said like a true sub, Jade,” Nepeta said. I pushed my hair back confidently.  
“He does give you some pretty fat stacks, though,” Vriska added.  
“You figure anything out about him, babe?” Terezi asked with a grin.

“He has two sons. One is named after him, Cronus. The other is a sex worker’s, Eridan. Cronus’s mom died about five years ago. The sex worker left Eridan on the doorstep as a wriggler. They’re nice enough, I guess. Dualscar has a big collection of guns. Some of them look like magic,” I explained.  
“How the fuck did you find all that out?” Terezi sighed.  
“I met them a few times after our sessions. They get me water when I ask. Nice boys, very sweet if a little vulgar at times. Older one has a boyfriend. They’re so cute together,” I said with a small smile.  
“What’s the boyfriend’s name?” she asked.  
“Kankri Vantas,” I said.  
“Oh! I know him. He has a little brother my age. He’s fun to annoy. Their dad leads mafia resistance with Nepeta’s mom and sis, Kanaya’s mom and sis, and Sollux’s dad and bro. There was a point to me starting this…right. The younger brother, Karkat has a couple friends that look just like gender-swapped yous,” Terezi rambled.  
“Oh my god! I mean, I knew that I had a long lost brother, and I think I remember a cousin that lives in Paradise,” I gasped.  
“I could totally get you in touch with them, if you like!” Latula suggested.  
“That would be fantastic!” I said, eating the rest of my food quickly.

~~~~~~~

The next Wednesday, I arrived at Dualscar’s in a slightly classier dress. I rang the doorbell nervously. Aradia warned me to cancel, but I knew better than to back out when we’d had our session a couple days before. He came to the door in a dark violet suit and a white bowtie.

“You look beautiful. Shall we?” Dualscar commented, offering his arm. Cronus and Eridan followed us out to the car. It looked much more beat up than his house did, but I concluded that he couldn’t have it all.  
“Evening, boys,” I said with familiarity.  
“Lookin’ fantastic, baby,” Cronus replied, using my pet name. I blushed a deep red.  
“Thank you, sir,” I grumbled. It pained me to call him that, but as long as it got me paid.  
“In all seriousness, you look very nice,” Eridan added as he scooted into the back seat behind his father. I nodded in gratitude.

“Isn’t she a little young for you, dad?” Cronus chimed in. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Dualscar narrowed his eyes at me for a moment before he began to drive.  
“Maybe, but a woman in a party of men is a token of peace, son,” he answered.  
I glanced out the window anxiously. Would I really be safe tonight?

We soon arrived at another grand estate. Cronus assisted me out of my seat, leading me to his father. Dualscar, in turn, wrapped an arm around my waist. I comfortably held onto his arm. As the door opened in front of us, there was an even larger man than Dualscar. I grew to about five foot eight. Dualscar was six foot even. This man was six foot four at the smallest. I unconsciously stood a little straighter, but a correcting hand on my hip told me to relax.  
“Very nice to see you, Grand Highblood,” Dualscar greeted politely.  
“You were almost late. You know how I like to keep my meetings on schedule,” Grand grumbled in warning.  
“Shall we get straight to dinner?” he suggested. The giant nodded, standing aside to allow us in. He took a quick feel of my ass. I innocently look over my shoulder with what I now called my “Oh No!” face. Grand gave a small smirk as he closed the door behind the two brothers.

I sat next to Dualscar on his right side. The meal was steak with mashed potatoes. I hadn’t eaten anything this fancy since my last meal with my foster family. I kept my composure with a smile. Eridan had caught something in my expression, he looked concerned. I nodded that everything was okay and ate the steak. Dualscar and Grand Highblood discussed a few business issues. I couldn’t exactly make sense of what they were talking about through Grand’s acquired Texan accent.

There were two of Grand Highblood’s children sitting across from Eridan and Cronus, Jr. They were in a death glare competition. I noticed the conversation beginning to heat up between the larger adults. I nervously looked over at Cronus, but he was staring down the one with realistic bone tattoos on his hands. Probably up his arms under his suit and all over his body.

The Grand Highblood stood up. I could feel the anger in his eyes.  
“You assume that you are important enough for a meeting with Her Imperious Condescension? You almost make me laugh. Almost isn’t good enough,” he growled. He grabbed a monstrously large gun from under the table. I sat there frozen. Eridan and Cronus ran behind some conveniently set up boxes to hide behind. The other two did the same on the other side of the dining room.  
“I’m a level above you on the hemospectrum, Highblood. I outrank you. This was simply a formality,” Dualscar spat back. He dragged me behind the boxes, and the other large man got behind the boxes as well.

I screamed when I heard an exchange of gunfire. I covered my ears in fear. Over the gunshots, I barely heard Cronus speaking.  
“Did you tell her there would be fighting?” Cronus, Jr., asked as he kept shooting.  
“I thought she might back out, and then what would I do?” Dualscar answered with a hiss.  
“You mean she’s a civilian? She doesn’t know anything?!” he shouted. His father shrugged. I felt tears coming to my eyes. Aradia was right. I was going to die without a soul to care that I was going to die. I sobbed, looking up at the wall in front of me. There was a stray rifle.

I tapped all of them on the shoulder, waiting for them to come down to reload. Once they were paying attention to me, I put a finger to my lips. I grabbed the rifle and seamlessly teleported behind a large plant.

I saw Eridan mouth, “What the fuck?” before standing back up to shoot some more. When the Grand Highblood did the same, I took my aim for the neck. In that moment, he was only an animal. He was a predator that would kill me if I didn’t kill him. I squeezed hard on the trigger. He fell. His two children looked over to me. I gave them matching gashes while they were stunned. I breathed heavily, collapsing to the floor. I killed three people.

“I killed three people. I-I killed three people,” was all I could say, sniffling into my hands. I felt Dualscar put his suit jacket around my shoulders. I drew it closer, trying to take deep breaths to calming.  
Cronus helped me to my feet, giving me a hug. “I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.  
“I’m gonna state a pretty obvious fact, but you can teleport?” Eridan added. His brother shot him a dirty look.  
“Not the time, man,” Cronus growled. I walked back to the dinner table, downing all of my water.  
“Good fucking lord. Th-that was an adrenaline rush,” I said more to myself. I wasn’t ready to confront the moral consequences of killing three people, but my windpipe felt like it was on fire. For some reason, I loved it.  
“Jade, your leg,” Dualscar gasped. I looked down and saw a slightly darker stain on my black dress.  
“This is going to start hurting very bad, very soon. Get me home. I know a medic,” I concluded like I was a pro at this. I obviously was not, but after what had just happened, I felt like I could take a little charge.  
“We can’t move you, Jade. Lay down on the table. Eridan, find the first aid kit. Cronus, get towels and water,” Dualscar ordered. He was the most worried I’d ever seen him. I laid down on the table.

The rest was a blur of the smell of antiseptic and sharp pain. I refused to look down as they tended to my leg, sewing up my wound expertly. I cried. It wasn’t from the pain of the impromptu operation, but from having the gravity of my situation ram me like a bus. I could never go back to Kansas. I could never see Dave again. I could never meet my long-lost brother or my cousin. I was going to be a killer for the rest of my life. As Cronus tightly bandaged my leg, Dualscar kissed my cheek tenderly.

“You will be okay, Jade. Nobody has to know what you did. You can refuse to take me as a client ever again,” he whimpered, wiping my hair from my face.  
“I’ll decide what I want when I’ve had time to think, Daddy. Please take me home,” I said, carefully sitting up. Dualscar carried me to the car bridal style. I sat in between Cronus and Eridan in the back seat, laying my head on Eridan’s bony shoulder. He pet my hair soothingly. I nearly fell asleep, but I recognized the red light district, my permanent home. Eridan gently guided me to the upstairs apartment.

Kanaya and Terezi were the only two left awake. They took me into their arms immediately. They discussed my condition with Eridan over my shoulder.  
“She saved our lives. She saved her own life. When she can understand it in the morning, please tell her how grateful I am,” he said as they neared the end of their conversation.  
“Hey, Eridan?” I mumbled, turning to face him, “Don’t mention it. Let’s do this again sometime.” He smiled, patting my shoulder before he left.

“You ready to confront the consequences of this yet?” Kanaya asked.  
“Please just let me sleep. I’m tired and hurting and highly confused,” I said with a bit of a slur. I leaned on Terezi as she took me back to our room. She helped me sit on our bed.  
“I still love you, Jade. Please never forget that,” Terezi said, kissing my forehead.

I took off my shoes and dress, curling in on myself.  
“Promise you won’t leave?” I asked with a small sob. She kept smooching my cheek, hugging me around my stomach.  
“I promise,” Terezi whispered.

The next morning didn’t prove easy. I wanted to stay in bed forever.  
“Please let me sleep,” I pleaded.  
“It’s a good thing that none of us have any appointments today, but I can’t let you sleep all day. It’s noon,” Terezi grumbled, carrying me out of bed bridal style. She set me on the couch. Everyone was gathered around the couch that Terezi laid me on.

“The first time I killed a person, I was ten years old,” Aradia began. I opened my eyes into her deep, red ones.  
“He broke into my home with the intention to kill me while my mother and my sister, Damara were out on a contract. He came into my room, but I’m the lightest sleeper in my house, still am. I woke up when he came in the front door. I did the dirty work with a whip. I watched the light fade from his eyes. My mother hugged me and congratulated me when she returned,” she explained.

“The furst time I killed a purrson, I was seven years old. My sister and I were walking to the bus stop to go home when someone grabbed her. I clawed her assaulter to death. My mother thanked me so much. She got me ice cream to numb the moral conflict,” Nepeta said. That was the deepest tone she had ever spoken in.

“I killed my first person when I was fifteen. I was walking home from the nearby grocery store when a man dragged me into an alley. I opened my lipstick straight into their gut. I ran home covered in red. I never told my mother,” Kanaya exposited.

“The first time I killed a person, I was nine years old. I was in a fire fight when my bullet finally hit. It was fatal. My mother said to never aim to kill again. And so I never have. Latula killed her first person in the same fire fight in our living room,” Terezi said.

“The first time I killed a person, I was eight. Rather fitting, I think. She had a gun to Aranea’s head. I shook my magic eight ball, and she died,” Vriska sighed, shaking her head.

“The first time I killed a person, I was ten years old. Fuchsias expect assassination attempts, but my first one came late. I attacked on reflex alone. My trident killed them when they got too close. My mother was so proud,” Feferi concluded.

I looked from face to face. “The first time I killed, I was eighteen years old. Dualscar dragged me into a fire fight. I already knew how to shoot a rifle, and I saw one to take. I teleported behind a plant and aimed for the neck. One of them must have gotten a shot at me right before they went down,” I explained.

“You wanted to stay alive, and frankly, I need you alive,” Terezi whispered, crying into my neck. I patted her head as tears rolled down my cheeks.  
“The worst part is…I-I liked the adrenaline rush. And I want more of it,” I confessed. The room was silent.

“We won’t stop you from taking on contracts, but we ask that you stay somewhere else on nights that you have contracts,” Kanaya ordered.  
“I..I don’t want to do anything yet. I need time to process,” I assured them.

~~~~~~~

I went on a job collecting some unpaid debts that weekend with Dualscar. I piled on job after job, and he taught me how to really fight. I mastered my space powers, so I worked reconnaissance. Each night after a job, I slept in Dualscar’s bed. He said it would make sleeping easier. I tacitly agreed.

After a few months of this arrangement, I addressed a concern at the back of my mind. Why did Dualscar want to meet with Her Imperious Condescension so badly that night at the Makara mansion? What was so important about her? I asked him exactly that.

“She’s Lord English’s right hand. If we get into her good graces, we can ensure that we won’t be targeted,” Dualscar answered. I froze, but gave a smile and nod so as to seem agreeable. I couldn’t believe I followed him so blindly. Then again, trolls still somewhat enforced the hemospectrum, so maybe he was following that logic. I put together that there could be only one fuchsia family in North America. Feferi was fuchsia. Her mother was Her Imperious Condescension. I internally screamed.

When I returned home, I lumbered straight for her.  
“Your mother works for the man that ruined my life,” I yelled.  
“He’s ruined all of our lives, Jade. That’s why I left,” Feferi replied, standing to get into my face further.  
“No. That’s not all of it. Tell the whole story, Fef,” I pleaded, my fist clenching. She motioned for me to sit down. I took a deep breath and calmly obliged.

“My mom taught me to fight from the time I could walk, just in case I should ever get in trouble and she wouldn’t be there. She gave my sister and I similar weapons and had us spar. We were about even before Meenah started going out on contracts with mom. After the assassination attempt, she took me along. I hated how she made me kill. I would kill them and bring them back to life until they gave us the information she needed, and then I killed them for good. I told her I didn’t want to go into the mafia. She fought me until she gave me the scar on my left cheek. She told me to go. I packed my stuff and left. Meenah pleaded with her to let me stay, but mom said that unless she wanted to go with me, she should shut up. She went silent. I walked to Kanaya’s house,” Feferi said with sorrow on the surface of her voice.

“And…then what?” I asked impatiently.  
“The rest of the story is not mine to tell. Also, your arm is bleeding. I didn’t want to mention it right away because you’re starting to get really intimidating, Jade,” she answered.  
“Any of you guys know a good doctor?” I muttered sheepishly.  
“I know a couple friends that live in one of the other brothels. Go to Sassy Sam’s and ask for Sharon,” Kanaya chimed in from the kitchen where she was making breakfast.  
“…Can I have some breakfast first?” I said. She narrowed her eyes at me before tossing a finished pancake in my direction. “Thanks, mom!”

I walked off in the direction of the brothel. Upon walking through the door, I saw that they were cleaning up from their show last night. A scantily clad angel walked up to me saucily.  
“Sorry, baby, we’re closed for the day,” she sighed.  
“I get better at home. I’m looking for a Sharon,” I clarified. The woman rolled her eyes, motioning for me to follow her to a trap door underneath a rug. I was already a little nervous at this, but then she led me down a flight of stairs.  
“Just past that door, dollface,” she said cheerily. Out of habit, I knocked.

“Come in!” came a slightly frazzled response. I entered hesitantly.

“Rosey, I swear to god if you don’t stop coming down late-oh hello,” the voice said before realizing I was not “Rosey”.  
“I hear you’re a mafia doctor,” I said. She seemed a little frozen for a moment.  
“Sorry. And you are?” she asked.  
“Jade Harley,” I replied, shedding my trench coat.  
“THE Harley? Holy shit,” she whispered.  
“I’d love to chat more, but I’m kind of bleeding from the arm right now, so…” I begged.  
“Oh, god. Here sit down. Let me help you shed those layers. I’m Roxy, by the way. Nurse Roxy,” she replied, assisting me onto her professional examination table.

I tried my best not to blush as she unbuttoned my shirt all the way down. I mean, I obviously still had a girlfriend, but I hadn’t been declothed in front of someone non-sexually in a long ass time.

“Okay, how long since you’ve been shot?” she asked shortly.  
“My contract started four hours ago. I would guess it’s been about half an hour,” I answered.  
“Did you tie these bandages yourself?” Roxy sighed, removing the bandages.  
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.  
“Impressive. Okay. I need you to down this as fast as you can,” she ordered. I did so immediately.  
“Done, wait. Why did I do that?” I asked.  
“Call it medical alcohol? We don’t have anesthetic, but we do have alcohol,” Roxy giggled as she dabbed at the area around the wound with a cotton ball.

“Okay, lots of good news. The bullet didn’t shatter or degrade. You didn’t lose too much blood. The bullet got shot in so shallowly that any dunderhead could pull it out with tweezers, and it’s not infected yet,” she said happily. On this high of good news, I yelped when she quickly removed the bullet.  
“Son of a bitch!” I whined. Roxy cleaned the wound some more before padding it with gauze and bandages.  
“You’re good. It should be healed in a couple of weeks because you have mmmmmmagic. You are clear to do jobs. Just be sure that you come by to have it cleaned every two to three days,” she ordered.  
“Thank you, Nurse Roxy,” I replied.

“So…a Harley, huh?” Roxy said with a cat-like grin. I smiled a little, nodding.  
“That mean something to you?” I asked.  
“I’ve heard that Big Pop Harley and his son plus his wife have been dead for years. How are you a Harley?” she muttered in my ear.  
“I’m Big Pop Harley’s granddaughter,” I answered, moving away slightly. Roxy pouted slightly.  
“I’m impressed. I don’t know how you managed to stay under the radar for so long, but I’m impressed,” she said.  
“Maybe I’ll see you around,” I sighed, heading for the door.  
“Feel free to come around anytime,” Roxy called after me.


	4. "Spray paint, toilet paper, and silly string."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Non-graphic rape in this chapter. A bunch of BDSM that she didn't consent to. Additionally, there is implied past drug use. I felt gross writing this.

Terezi begged me to meet who may be my long lost brother and my cousin. It’s kind of hard to say no when she’s literally eating you out, so, here I was, standing outside their apartment in south Vegas in a trench coat and a fedora. I nervously itched my ear as I waited for somebody to open the door.

“Jade!” came an English accent from behind a chained door.  
“Jake? Is that you, kid?” I answered, rushing forwards to hug him once he fully flung back the door.  
“Oh my god! I haven’t seen you since I was ten and you were twelve. What happened to you?” he asked, leading me to the living room inside. I took a seat, putting my pistol on the table out of habit.  
“I, um, I got kidnapped off the street going home from summer camp. I found out that my parents were mafia. A group of sex workers took me in. I got dragged into a fire fight and killed three people. I got into the mafia for the adrenaline rush. I stayed because I figured out that Lord English captured me,” I said, my words feeling heavy in my mouth.

“Quite the story. I figured out where you’d been taken, so I started looking for you. While I was searching, I found John. He really is your twin brother. Maybe your parents decided to put John up for adoption for some reason. I’m not completely clear on the circumstances, but he lives here too. We also picked up a friend, Karkat. A bit of a loud mouth, but his dad wanted him to stay with us so he wouldn’t be targeted by the Condesce. Karkat’s dad is leader of the mafia resistance.” Jake explained.

“Oh, wow. I use my cash from a big mafia boss to fund the mafia resistance,” I commented.  
“Wait, so you’re a…” he trailed off.  
“Part-time sex worker….Shit happens, Jake,” I finished for him.  
“Could you explain a bit better on how you got in league with the mafia?” Jake asked.  
“Yeah. This big mafia boss guy, Dualscar, commissioned me along as an “escort”. When the shooting started, I grabbed a rifle and did a sneak attack using my space powers,” I retold.

“Hot damn, John. Your sister’s a badass,” Karkat interrupted. I looked over with a small smirk.  
“Thank you. Also you suck at hiding,” I said.  
“Well fuck you too, Harley,” he shot back.  
“My price is $350,” I retorted. He smiled widely.  
“I like her,” Karkat fake-whispered to John.

“Okay then…nice to meet you, Jade!” John said, coming more into the room to shake my hand. I smiled up at him.  
“Damn you’re short,” I sighed.  
“I’m average!” he yelped. I had to laugh a little.  
“Calm down. I’m only making sure you’re actually my brother. I vaguely remember your squeaky voice,” I joked. John grumbled, offering me a glass of wine. I nodded in appreciation.

“So, you guys doing any contracts tonight?” I asked.  
“How the fuck could you tell we’re mafia?” Karkat said.  
“There is literally a rifle in the couch that I’m sitting on. Jesus, man. Keep up.” I growled.  
“Yes, Jade,” he answered shortly. Holy shit, was I really that intimidating? …Cool.

“To answer your question, we’re going to wreak some havoc on the Serket house. Would you like to have a go?” Jake said.  
“Get the chance to mess with the woman who threw my friend out on the street? Yes please!” I replied.  
“You live with the daughter of a mob boss? Isn’t she a prostitute?” John asked as he grabbed his hammer. Seriously, John? That’s your only specibus?  
“Sex worker, but yes. All of my roommates are daughters of deadly mob bosses,” I sighed, hiding my pistol and grabbing the couch rifle.  
“Damn, Harley.” Karkat sighed, opening the door to let all of us out.

On the way to the Serket house, I asked them about their lives.  
“I’m the disappointment of my family,” Karkat began.  
“Do tell,” I prompted.  
“My dad and brother are non-violent for the most part. I just can’t keep my fists to myself when other people start to hurt them or their friends,” he muttered.  
“Wow, you have the exact opposite of a problem,” I said.  
“Hey, shut up,” Karkat snapped back. I shrugged it off.

“I grew up in several foster homes. None of them really knew how to handle my windy powers, so I got passed around a lot. I finally landed in the home of a dapper gentleman that really liked suits and pipes. Cool shit like that. He took me along on contracts, but I mostly stayed in the car. He got shot and killed about three years ago,” John explained.  
“Same with my grandpa! I’m going to bet they were probably connected,” I said with a growl.  
“My parents and grandma were mafia as well. They might have been killed in the same incident. Their deaths were why I took the surname English. To show that I’m not afraid of him,” Jake added. I patted him on the shoulder with a small smile.

We rolled up to the Serket estate. It was a noticeable story taller than Dualscar’s house.  
“Wow…her bulge is probably huge,” I whispered.  
“What the fuck?” John asked.  
“Nothing. Let’s do this,” I said, grabbing supplies out of the trunk.

“Spray paint, toilet paper, and silly string. These are the tools for the job,” I mumbled seriously before bursting into giggles.

Karkat went straight to painting the anarchy symbol. John chose to spray paint “Serket did 9/11” on the front door. I used my space powers to tp her entire house.

“It’s a white palace of glory, Jade,” John sighed in reverence.  
“Thanks, bro!” I said before breaking one of the windows to the parlor and setting off a silly string bomb.  
“Holy toledo, Jade! I think that’s enough,” Jake suggested.  
“Wait!” Karkat yelled. He elected to break in and paint the curtains in bright red. “Okay, now that’s enough,” he concluded, running back to the car just as I saw Mindfang Serket peeking out the top floor window with a gun aimed right at us.

We all hopped in. Jake was driving. John rode shotgun. I hopped in right on top of Karkat.  
“Shit! I am so sorry,” I apologized.  
“Hello, there,” Karkat mumbled in my ear. I scooted off of him.  
“Sorry. I have a girlfriend,” I sighed.  
“Also, don’t hit on my sister!” John ordered. I laughed as Jake sped away with bullets hitting our back. I grinned as my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest.  
“Oh god that was so much fun,” I said breathily.  
“Has it been a while since you’ve done one for shits and giggles, Jade?” Jake asked.  
“Yeah. It’s always so serious when I go out alone or with Dualscar and crew,” I replied.  
“You’re welcome to come along anytime,” John suggested.  
“That would be great,” I answered, drinking an entire bottle of water in one chug.

~~~~~~~

I walked inside Dualscar’s house in my sexy violet dress. Normally, he greeted me soon after I came in, so this struck me as odd.  
“Daddy? Are you there?” I asked to nobody. I felt a sharp pain in my head right before I fell to the ground. Everything faded to black, but I wasn’t falling unconscious. There was a blindfold in front of my eyes.

“Daddy! Chrysanthemum! Dualscar!” I yelled, using my full stop safe word for the first time in my experience as a sex worker.  
“You’ve been a very naughty baby,” His voice hissed in my ear. I felt handcuffs on my wrists. He ripped through my dress, straight to my skin. I screamed in agony. I couldn’t use my space powers when I couldn’t see out of at least one eye. I squirmed and writhed, doing anything I could to get free. All the while, I kept sobbing my safe word, pleading with him.

He dragged me into our-no. He dragged me into his bedroom. Dualscar beat my ass, my face. He pulled my hair. He electrocuted me. He poured hot wax on me. This was not sex. This was rape. It was assault. I was absolutely helpless. I didn’t know if I would make it out alive. I cried until my voice went hoarse from exhaustion. When he was done, he undid my blindfold. He undid my hands and feet. He held me in his arms like nothing was different. As if I hadn’t been raped by a man I’d begun to see as a friend and mentor. He was a monster instead.

“You were a child. You associated yourself with vigilantes. You disrespect me. You disrespect Her Imperious Condescension. I only wanted one last chance to have my fun before you die,” Dualscar growled into my ear.

With my remaining strength, I jerked his arm forwards, throwing him onto the floor. I kept all of my weight on him and bent his arm back until I no longer felt any tension. I hit his arm so hard that I heard a snap.

“If you come after me, I won’t be so merciful. I will make you die slowly and painfully. And just before you think I’ll let you go, I’ll kill you,” I growled, into his earfin right before I jabbed one of his pressure points to make him go unconscious. I slammed his face into the floor a few times for good measure. I grabbed my payment, plus a generous tip, from his wallet and a sheet to make into a toga from the cupboard.

“Jade!” I put my fists up to fight. Cronus put his hands out in front of him to indicate surrender. “I tried to stop him. He abuses us too,” he whimpered.

“I have half a mind to go back in there and end his miserable life. Try to get away if you can. I would help you, but my friends hate you. My family hates you. If you can get away, get a better life. Be brave. Tell Eridan I give him the best,” I pleaded before I walked out the door.

The bus driver asked if I needed to go somewhere specific. He dropped me off right in front of my brothel. I walked upstairs, bursting into tears. I was surrounded by warmth. They asked me what happened. I explained it. They hugged me tighter. I sobbed. Kanaya bandaged me up, taking care with my sore everything.

“Jade,” Terezi said, “Did you get him good?” I smiled up at her faintly.  
“His arm is dislocated and broken in several places. I broke his nose. I think that counts as good,” I replied.  
“Nobody will be able to say you didn’t fight,” she whispered, kissing me slowly. I kissed back momentarily.  
“Wait. Where’s Latula?” I asked, noticing that she wasn’t there. The room went still. Terezi’s fists clenched. “Terezi?”  
“Sh-she died. Heroine overdose,” Nepeta whimpered.

I took a deep breath.  
“Where does she get her heroine?” I asked, going straight into business mode. The room stayed silent. “Goddammit, where did she get her heroine?"  
Aradia rummaged around in a drawer to find one of Latula’s last packages.  
“Betty Crocker brand,” she answered.  
“That’s the brand of drugs that Her Imperious Condescension manufactures. That means that Lord English was subsidizing drugs in Red Light. I’m going to go fight him,” I concluded, moving to stand up. Vriska pushed me back onto the couch.

“Guys, what the fuck?” I asked, trying to get up again. Terezi held me down this time.  
“You’re hurt, Jade. I can’t let you go out there. I have some calls to make,” she growled, kissing me again.  
“Terezi. Please, don’t. I need you,” I whimpered.  
“I’m going to do something I haven’t done in a long time, Jade. I’m going to call my mother,” Terezi said, walking out the door and into the hallway.

“Oooooh shit,” Feferi mumbled.  
“What?” I asked.  
“She’s laying down her stubbornness for this,” Vriska muttered, giving me a glass of water.  
“Oh shit, right,” I replied.

She came back inside a few minutes later.  
“Mom said she’s going to send her best agent to help. I’m raiding Lord English’s Mansion tonight,” Terezi dictated.  
“I know I can’t change your mind, but please take my trench coat, Terezi. It’s always gotten me home safe before,” I pleaded. She hugged me tightly.  
“I will. I’ll come home, Jade,” Terezi said, grabbing it from the coat hanger.

~~~~~~~

We all waited up for the whole night. At about 2:15 am, a phone call came to the land line. I jumped up and answered it immediate.  
“Yes, hello?” I said.  
“Is this Jade Smith?” a familiar female voice replied.  
“Y-yes, ma’am,” I whimpered.  
“Terezi is in critical condition. It doesn’t look like she’s going to make it. If you want to be here, leave now,” Roxy ordered.  
“Okay, thank you!” I yelled before slamming down the phone.

I grabbed a shirt, sweat pants, and flip flops, quickly changing before I ran out the door. The rest of my crew trailed behind me. We ran to the bus stop, urgently telling the bus driver to give us a ride to Las Vegas hospital. He obliged, going over the suggested speed to get us there in half an hour. It felt like it flew by in three minutes. I sprinted inside. Roxy directed me to Terezi’s room. A blond man stood outside the hospital room. I didn’t take in much else about him as I stopped at the doorway. I began to cry as I walked to her side. Her throat was crushed, but she had managed not to die. I leaned over to gently hug her. My lungs were on fire and I wanted to die.

“I did the best that I could, Jade,” Terezi rasped.  
“Shh, I know. Please just stay alive,” I cried.  
“I have one request, babe,” she whispered. I waited, holding her hand in mine as tears flooded down my cheeks. “Finish what I started. Not now, but someday. Please finish him,” she pleaded.  
“I will. I love you,” I said, taking a deep breath. I kissed her one last time.  
“I love you too, Jade,” Terezi said right before she flatlined.

Something in me went cold. I felt no pain from my recent injuries. I grabbed my trench coat from the front desk.  
“I’ll patch it up,” Kanaya said quietly.  
“Thank you. I think that I’ll move in with John and Jake and Karkat,” I suggested.  
“I’ll redistribute your appointments to the others,” she whispered.  
“You’re amazing, mom. I’ll come around to visit. Please disguise yourselves as best you can,” I asked flatly.  
“We will. I will miss you so much, Jade,” Kanaya sighed, hugging me close.  
“Trust me. I’ll send you some money every month, Kan,” I said, taking the elevator down and walking out of the hospital.


	5. "What the actual fuck?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Implied sexual content. Minor nudity. A panic attack happens. Oh fun oh joy.

My crew, now consisting of only John, Jake, and Karkat, helped me on mafia resistance. We completed a lot of spy work before any direct ambush. I had my occasional flirtations with a certain Nurse Roxy, but they were mostly self-contained. I was not in the mood for another relationship any time in the near future.

We felled Meulin because she’d split off from her mother. She apparently waxed red for the bone tattoo Makara way back when. Meulin wanted to continue his work. She fell underneath my bullets. I made her suffer before she died. She begged for mercy just before I killed her. Meulin was in the mafia for her own gain. A grown woman, doing this for fun and money. She was no better than Lord English. She was no better than I was a few months ago. Only doing it for the high.

Shortly after this, I was in my off hours when a tall, blond man with dark skin came up to sit with me at a bar.  
“Would you like a drink?” he said, all Southern accent and sweet-looking. I decided to test him.  
“Do you think you could get me a plate of cheese fries instead?” I asked with a small smile.  
“I don’t see why not. I’m Dave, by the way. Dave Strider,” he replied, ordering the food with a polite nod of his head.  
“Dave Strider?” I clarified. My heart began to race.  
“The one and only, ma’am,” he answered with a confident smirk.  
“It’s me, Jade Harley,” I said sheepishly. His cigarette dropped from his mouth.

“Jade. Holy shit, you got hot,” Dave said, backtracking and stumbling over his words as he realized the implications.  
“So I’ve been told,” I giggled, booping his nose.  
“Good fucking God, Harley. You’ve made my life at work a living hell,” he muttered.  
“What? Where do you work?” I asked, my eyebrows knitting together in a mixture of fear and concern.  
“I work as a private investigator for Police Chief Redglare,” Dave clarified.  
“Oh…crap,” I grumbled.  
“And the understatement of the year award goes to Jade Harley. When the fuck did you get into the mafia? You’re a goddamn criminal now. I mean, you’re taking down a lot of big bad mob bosses, but still. You’re not doing it in a way that keeps your hands clean,” he lectured. He probably would have continued on like this if I didn’t cut him off with my expression alone.  
“Do me a favor and fuck off,” I yelled, slamming my glass on the counter. It broke in my hand. I left the shards there. “You don’t know jack shit about what I went through, and what makes you think you have any right to know? News flash, you don’t. Now I’m going to go home so I can enjoy my off hours, you fucking prick,” I hissed, strutting for the door. I could hear Dave breathing hard behind me.

I turned back towards him. I could see the fear in his expression, but not his eyes because of those stupid aviator sunglasses.  
“I’ll take these to go,” I muttered, taking the tray of cheese fries with a glare at Dave. I also left behind a few bills for the broken glass. I left, walking back to my apartment. It wasn’t that far of a walk.

I couldn't believe he had the nerve to tell me how to live my life. He didn’t understand that I’d been kidnapped, dragged into the mafia, raped, and two of my friends and most of my family had been killed because of Lord English. I obviously hadn’t told him that, but when your best friend disappears in the middle of high school, you make some guesses that those times probably weren’t the best. I decided that I needed a break, so I decided to call up Lalonde.

“Do you need to come over and let off steam, Jade?” Roxy asked right after she picked up.  
“Yes…How did you know that?” I said.  
“Dave is a cousin of mine. He told me that he pissed you off, and he feels bad about it. I can help you let out some of that tension if you want,” she suggested, a certain sultry tone to her voice bringing a slight flush to my cheeks.  
“I’ll be right over. I’ve been practicing long distance teleportation,” I replied excitedly.  
“Jadey,” Roxy started.  
“Mmhm?” I asked, getting ready to teleport.  
“I just got out of the shower,” she whispered. I grinned just as I poofed away.

~~~~~~~

I rolled over to see Roxy laying beside me. I smooched her nose. She giggled at the tickle of it, draping an arm over my waist.  
“Hey,” Roxy said.  
“Hey,” I answered.  
“Hey…,” came a third, far deeper voice from the door. I whipped my head around to see Dirk Strider. With his dumb, pointy shades. I tugged the sheet up to my neck.

“What the actual fuck?” I asked about an octave above my regular speaking voice.  
“Don’t worry. I’m not looking,” he replied.  
“Do I look like I give a shit if you’re attracted to my boobs or not? Not a shit is given. How and why the fuck are you here?” I said as loudly as I could without my voice cracking. Dang it got good last night.  
“Dave and I live here. Roxy didn’t tell you that?” Dirk asked.  
“No. She conveniently left that part out,” I growled. Roxy shrugged with the best troll face she could muster.  
“Let me get this straight-“ “Ha.” “Shut up, Dirk. My childhood best friend and crush is in the other room, and I am currently in my birthday suit,” I grumbled.  
“And he may have heard us having mind-blowing sex last night,” Roxy sighed.  
“He definitely heard you guys having mind-blowing sex last night,” Dirk interjected.  
“….Rats,” I muttered.  
“Hey, let’s watch the fucking language, Har-…rats,” Dave said from the doorway as he realized that I was, indeed, naked under this sheet. I held my hands to my face in embarrassment.  
“I am so sorry,” I winced.  
“If only those sounds were for me,” Dave mumbled. I raised my face.  
“Fuck you, Dave,” I said.  
“Sorry, I have no fucks to give,” he replied.  
“I have some right here,” I retorted, bringing my hand out from under my armpit to flip him off.  
“Daaaaaamn, Harley got badass,” Dirk commented before heading back upstairs.  
“I am so hurt, Jade. I thought we were friends. I got you in the bone zone,” Dave sighed wistfully.  
“I don’t have an actual bone to zone. And I already tapped that without your help,” I answered, motioning to Roxy.  
“Oooooh slay!” Dirk yelled from the other room.  
“Now get out so I can change,” I ordered. He put his hands up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

“That was amazeballs, Jadey. Absolutely, amaze. Balls,” Roxy said as she got up to go shower.  
“How about we did this at my house next time? Also get this. I have an actual, bigass house now,” I suggested as I got my undergarments on underneath the covers.  
“Cool! And no problem, nerd. See you around,” she sighed as she closed the door to the bathroom.

I headed out, shooting a quick double pistols and a wink towards Dave before grabbing my trench coat to leave. I closed the door to the upstairs brothel behind me. I picked that move up from Jake. He said that it usually worked pretty well on the Striders, and now it was my personal life mission to annoy Dave Strider, P.I.

Since I was in the neighborhood, I decided that I wanted to go check how Kan and crew were doing. I looked into the window upstairs and saw that it was mom’s time off during the day. I came in and knocked on the door to the apartment. She threw her arms around me. I stiffened slightly before relaxing into her hug.

“I know you want something, so you’d best come out with it upfront,” she sighed, inviting me to sit beside her. I hadn’t actually planned for anything specific, but I realized there was one story they’d never told me: the full one.  
“I want the whole story. I know not everyone is here to tell theirs, but I know that you know them by heart, Kanaya. Please tell me,” I answered. She took a deep breath, patting my shoulder.

“May 12th, 2000. We were all about nine or ten years old. Aradia ran away without confrontation with her mother. Nepeta was sleeping over at my house already. She called her mom to tell her she wouldn’t be coming home when everyone came over. Latula and Terezi left together. Their mother caught them sneaking out of the house on their way over. She told them they could always come to her for emergencies, etc, etc. Vriska fought with her mother to get away. She lost her arm and eye in the process. Aranea directed her to a superb mechanic that owed her a debt. Feferi has told you her story. My mother knew that I had to forge my own path. I had to care for my friends. They were what I considered my children. She understood this well, and so she let me go with her blessing. Sollux’s father assisted in us acquiring this apartment. Mituna and Sollux helped with psiionic protections. And the rest is history,” Kanaya explained.

“Thanks, mom,” I whispered, hugging her close.  
“Any time, Jade,” she sighed, rubbing my arm comfortingly.

~~~~~~~

About a month and a half later, I was on a job, my turn to drive. Obviously, I didn’t have an official driver’s license because the law hates us, but Jake taught me all the rules. And then all the bendings of the rules that we mobsters regularly participate in.

I digress. My crew and I gave Lord English’s mansion a white castle of toilet paper and silly string, so he sent a couple of his pawns after us. I swore they were ninjas. I was going seventy in a forty, and they were still gaining on us. John and Jake were firing out the back. Good thing that bulletproof partition was up. I drove into an abandoned parking lot, grabbing my pistols and walking out as the Megidos came upon us.

I fired strategically, noticing that the Handmaid guarded her left side. This caused her to lurch hard to her right, so I placed my next shot where I knew she would go. Damara was a lot more difficult to locate. She kept hopping around in the timeline, wreaking havoc and such. She punched me in the stomach, andI felt as if I would lose my lunch. How does one hold down someone whose job is to break the rules of time? My powers wouldn’t do any good. Breath and time have no bearing on each other. Jake was very underdeveloped in his hope magic.

“Karkat!” I yelled. He seemed to appear at my side. “Can you do some sort of blood bendy thingy?” I asked.  
“I mean…I can try!” Karkat confirmed.  
“Do it, damn it,” I ordered, running behind the vehicle.

Whatever he did, it work. Damara laid writhing by her mother. I cautiously, but somehow threateningly, walked up to them.  
“Please just kill us. You beat us fair and square,” Handmaid growled. I tilted my head questioningly. This didn’t sound like a sentence of arrogance. It was a genuine request.  
“Why?” I asked. John looked at me like I had grown a second head.  
“This was our last chance to be useful to Lord English. He’s planning on replacing us with the Condesce. Once we’ve outlived our usefulness, he will only kill us. And we can’t be useful to him anymore. Please. Kill us,” she answered.

I considered this for a moment.  
“I have a friend up in Maine that you can stay with. Get as far away as possible. Stay low. Keep your heads down. Don’t use your powers. Get there fast,” I ordered, scribbling out the address of my school friend who moved away.  
“You know Aradia. Don’t you?” Damara said shortly. I nodded. “She chose good friends.”  
“Make a better life for yourself if you can. Just get out of Paradise,” I pleaded.

Damara and Handmaid ran away. I made sure to keep a space portal on them for security. I needed to make sure they went. I whirled around as a flash of blond spiraled down from the top of the old Harps.

“You fucking let them get away, Harley!” Dave yelled, stomping up to me like a spoiled child.  
“Better go catch them,” I sighed, readjusting my fedora.  
“You know damn well you didn’t kill them because you have a soft spot for Megidos,” he grumbled.  
“If you’re insinuating that I fucked Aradia, she’s in a happily committed matespriteship, which is more than you can say for yourself,” I said.  
“You allowed two dangerous criminals to get away,” he groaned.  
“What? Are you going to arrest me, officer? Oh wait, you don’t even have a badge,” I shot back.

He shoved me to the ground, climbing on top of me and holding my wrists. I gritted my teeth, feeling tears coming to my eyes.  
“Let go of me right fucking now, Strider,” I seethed.  
“Or what? You have a crush on me, baby,” Dave teased.  
I screamed. I could see him flinch at the sudden noise. I would have grinned from ear to ear if I weren’t currently freaking the fuck out.  
“Let me go! Chrysanthemum! Fucking….let me go,” I screeched, pushing my heels into his stomach.  
“Ow! Fuck,” he muttered. I grabbed my pistols and aimed straight for his shades. I did not pull the trigger, but I almost wished that I’d slipped. I was currently reliving that scene in my mind.

“Dave,” called a mellow voice from behind me. I shifted one pistol to Dirk. “Oh my god. They’re still getting away, Dave. You can’t just stay here and pitch flirt with your girlfwiend, you fucking piece of shit,” he sighed. I tried to calm down, but every time I blinked, I saw that damn violet smirk again.

I dropped my guns, holding my hands to my head.  
“Oh shit. I didn’t actually realize that wasn’t standard black flirting,” Karkat yelled as he kneeled to get at my eye level. John and Jake followed suit, but kept their distance.

“Jade, it’s okay. Just do your military alphabet,” he suggested. I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes closed.  
“Alpha,” Inhale, “Beta,” Exhale, “Charlie. Delta. Echo. Foxtrot. Golf. Hotel. India. Juliet,” I said, continuing the pattern.  
“Are you better?” John asked.  
“Better. Water soon,” I said tiredly, standing up.

“Does someone want to give me an idea of what in the blue blazes is going on here?” said a prim, proper voice. Holy shit, it’s a Crocker. I instinctively reached for a pistol, but Jake took the pistols and put them in his pockets.  
“Harley released the Megidos. Dave just stayed here and let them get away,” Dirk reported.  
“Seriously, Dave. I mean, I know she has a good gene pool, but you can do better,” Jane sighed in a sickeningly sweet, Southern hospitality accent. I opened my mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Why did this specific girl have to be so hot?

She grabbed each Strider by the ear.  
“I apologize for the actions of my subordinates in facilitating your panic attack. I’ll see to it personally that I never happens again,” Jane said flatly. As she walked away, I heard her muttering.  
“Honestly, I can hardly believe I’m apologizing to a mobster when I’m an heiress,” she growled. I rolled my eyes with a huff, turning to walk back to the car.

Dave broke away from Jane to run back to me.  
“Jade, I’m so sorry for whatever I said or did. What the fuck happened? I will personally kill anyone who made it so you reacted like that, I swear to God,” he said, walking slightly behind me. I stopped.  
“I accept your apology. I was raped. You held me down. Don’t do it again. Now go away,” I answered before I took shotgun.  
As John drove, I watched as Dave kept standing there in the rear view mirror until I couldn’t see him anymore.

“Jade. Are you doing okay?” Karkat asked, passing me a bottle of water from our cooler.  
“I haven’t done that in a long ass time. I’m fine in theory,” I replied, downing the water quickly.  
“Do you need affection and Disney movies tonight?” John pursued. I glanced at him with a deadpan expression.  
After a few minutes of silence, I responded with a quiet, “Yes, please.”  
Jake patted my shoulder. “We’ve got you, Jade,” he sighed.  
“I know,” I said with a small smile.


	6. Somehow that was not as threatening as I thought it would be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Non-graphic violence. Minor graphicness. Sexy shenanigans with no sexy content.

I noticed a bit before the slaying of Dave Strider that Jake had been daydreaming on the job occasionally. I didn’t really think anything of it because he always snapped out of it when I caught his attention. However, when he came to work late, at midnight, with more disheveled hair than usual and several hickeys on his jaw, I knew that something serious relationship-wise was going on.

I came in and sat on his bed casually. He was watching Avatar (blue people) for the four millionth time that week, so I thought this was probably a good time to keep him captive while we talked.

“Okay, Jake. I need you to be honest with me right now,” I began. He looked at me intently. “Who are you doing the frick-frack-snick-snack with?” I asked very seriously.

He laughed at me, but ultimately, Jake nodded that he would tell me.  
“You know Dave Strider?” My heart dropped to my stomach. “His brother, Dirk,” he finished, most likely because he saw death in my eyes.  
“Oh thank god. How long?” I continued.  
“We’ve been in a relationship for about six months,” Jake said, blushing.  
“Aww. That’s fucking adorable,” I gushed. “When did you guys meet?"  
“I was out on one of my days off. I needed to let off some steam, and he was..happy to oblige. We got to talking afterwords and planned an official date. And then another date. And then another. And we started texting a lot. And…here we are, I guess,” Jake explained.  
“Wow. Scheduling must be difficult when you’re mafia and he’s a P.I., right?” I sighed.  
“Not when his brother can mess around with time,” he answered with a grin.

I heard the doorbell ring. Jake moved to get up, but I sent a small space portal to check who it was. Dave Strider? This should be fun.  
“I got it!” John yelled, peeping through the door to check. I came downstairs and stood right inside my bedroom to watch the exchange.  
“Hey John. Can I talk to Jade?” Dave said when John opened the door.  
“Seeing as the last time that happened, she ended up in a panic attack, I say no,” John growled.  
“I’m really sorry about that. She told me what not to do, and I won’t do it again. May I please talk to her?” Dave sighed.  
“She’s out right now, but I can tell her what you need," John suggested.  
“That would be fine. I need a date for my cousin, Rose’s, wedding. I heard through the grapevine that Jade knows her spouse-to-be, Kanaya, somehow. Rose’ll never let me hear the end of it if I don’t bring a date,” Dave said.  
“Oh, Kanaya! Yeah. She’ll definitely want to see her again. I’ll tell her,” John answered.

“Hey, Dave!” I said, coming out of my room just as John was about to close the door.  
“Gah! How the fuck do you do that?” Dave yelled.  
“Mmmmmmmmagic! Anyways, I’ll go with you, but let me make this clear: This is not a real date. Got it?” I asked.  
“Crystal. I’ll pick you up at five on Saturday,” he confirmed, going back to his car. I kept the space portal up a bit to watch him go after John closed the door. Damn that man had a nice ass.

“So…you have a date,” John cooed, putting a hand on my shoulder.  
“..What did I just fucking say, John?” I ordered with a deadpan expression.  
“Okay.” he said, removing his hand.

~~~~~~~

Saturday arrived rather abruptly. After one of my contracts, I swung by a dress place when it opened. Obviously, I had to wear something other than black or white. For the specific purpose of messing with Dave, I wore a bright red, slightly sparkly dress. Karkat fixed my hair into a braided up-do. His father, Signless, was officiating the ceremony, so he invited John along. Jake was also coming as Dirk’s actual date.

“Looking swell, Jade!” Jake complimented as I finished my makeup. It was slightly toned down from my former sex work make-up.  
“Thanks, nerd. I see Dave’s car outside, so I have to go. See you there!” I answered, stepping into my flats and running for the door. I took a deep breath before opening it, smirking confidently. Dave smiled nervously, and I noticed that my dress and his tie matched.  
“Wow…um..uh…You look really good, Harley,” he stuttered. I grabbed his arm and led him back to his car, an eternal shit-eating grin on my face.  
“You’re not looking to bad yourself, Strider,” I said as he got in the driver’s side next to me.

Rose recently accepted a book deal on top of already being an amazing talk therapist. She moved into a decently sized house in east Vegas, and Kanaya was going to move in as soon as the wedding was done. My mom got her life right, but she couldn’t take all of her children with her.

As Dave helped me out of the car, Kanaya ran straight for me, hugging me tightly.  
“Oh wow! I didn’t know you were Dave’s girlfriend! It is so good to see you!” Kanaya wept.  
“Careful. Don’t ruin your makeup, mom,” I answered, dabbing the tear from her cheek with a grin.  
“Come in, darlings! We’re still getting things set up, but I’d like you to meet my fiancé,” she gushed, taking me by the arm.  
“I believe we’ve met. You said that you got better sex at home?” a sarcastic voice sighed.  
“Oh cheese and crackers,” I muttered. It was the angel from Sassy Sam’s about a year ago.  
“I’ll take it you weren’t referring to my cousin, Dave. Correct?” she asked.  
“Ex-girlfriend,” I answered.  
“Ah. Terezi, right?” her voice softened. I looked down. “I’m so sorry for your loss."  
“No problem, really. Anyways! Is there assigned seating, Rose?” I said, changing my tone quickly. Dave glanced at me in question. He didn’t need to know, and I didn’t want him to know.  
“Feel free to sit by your old sisters,” Kanaya suggested, gesturing to a table with Aradia, Nepeta, Vriska, and Feferi.

“Oh my god!” I yelled, running to hug all of them at once.  
“Jade! What’ve you been up to kid?” Vriska asked nonchalantly.  
“Oh you know. Shoot the bad guys. The occasional hookup with Roxy. I got a boyfriend. Usual shtuff,” I answered, refusing to let go.  
“Faaaaaaang. He cleans up well!” Nepeta commented, taking a sip of red wine. I gently took the glass away from her.  
"I see you and Sollux is still a thing,” I said.  
“Yeah…We’re getting married in a few months as well,” Aradia replied sheepishly.  
“That’s so great!” I whispered excitedly.

A few more people arrived. Signless, Kankri, The Dolorosa, Porrim, The Disciple, Meulin, The Psiionic, and Mituna. I had met them all in passing during previous jobs. Signless did not approve of my methods, but I kept my crew, including his son, from actually killing anyone. I took murder on myself. He probably wasn’t too excited to see me, but he came up and hugged me anyways.

“I heard that you’ve found yourself a significant other,” Signless said incredulously. He looked like a proud father, and I considered him an extremely kind-hearted man.  
“Yeah…I found him on the job and we got to talking,” I said with a slight flush.  
“So sweet! I hope I get the chance to officiate your wedding someday,” Signless answered.  
“I hope so!” I replied before walking off to take my seat beside Dave.

Kanaya walked down the aisle in a flowing ballgown, white with green and purple accents. I took a wild guess to say that she crafted it herself, most likely. Dave leaned over to me.  
“I’ve been meaning to ask, but why did you freak out back in that parking lot?” he asked quietly.  
“Do you really think this is the best time? They’re reading their vows,” I muttered.  
“I want to know what happened to make you react like that. It can’t have been anything good,” Dave grumbled.  
“Could you shut up? I want to hear my mom’s vows,” I quipped.  
“Also what is a chrysanthemum?” he asked.  
“It’s a flower, now shush,” I growled.  
“Why were you yelling that?” Dave pressed. I didn’t respond. “Jade. Please. You can tell me. No matter how bad it is, I’ll always be there for you, Harley.”  
“Not here, okay? I won’t tell you here,” I sighed. He stopped just as the Signless asked if anyone had any objections. Dave started to creep his hand up. I tugged it back down again, interlocking my fingers with his. Rose and Kanaya kissed sweetly. I grinned, cheering wildly.

After their first dance, I stood next to the newly weds, making a bit of idle chatter.  
“I’ve been meaning to say, Jade, I know you’re mafia, so how are you dating David when he’s a P.I.?” Rose asked with a cat-like smirk.  
“To tell you the truth, he asked me to come as his date so you wouldn’t make fun of him,” I sighed, tucking some hair behind my ear.  
“Me? Make fun of him? Absolutely,” she said.  
“Want to pull one over on the boy wonder?” I suggested.  
“I think we’ll get along just fine, Jade,” Rose answered, patting my shoulder fondly.

I walked over to Dave with a shy smile.  
“Shall we?” I asked, offering my hand for a dance.  
“We shall,” he said, gently placing a hand on my waist. Kan taught me to do all types of dance back when I was learning to twerk.  
“You know, we could go back to my place after this,” I said with a wink.  
“Sorry. I don’t fuck criminals,” Dave sighed.  
“Literally everyone here except the Strilondes is a criminal. Seriously, a lot of things happened to make me this way, Dave,” I answered.  
“Yeah. And you’re not telling me any of them. I can still turn you in, Jade,” he grumbled.  
“Now would you really do that, Davey?” I said teasingly.  
“Maybe someday. If you get out of control,” Dave replied coolly. I could feel the angriness through his glasses.  
“And what if I do? You gonna spank me, Daddy?” I joked.  
“You’d probably like it,” he said, his cheeks turning pink. I leaned close to his ear.  
“Maybe I can spank you then,” I whispered. Somehow that was not as threatening as I thought it would be.

Dave started hysterically laughing into my shoulder.  
“You’re so not intimidating,” he wheezed through his giggling.  
I quickly smacked his ass, and he yelped about two octaves above his normal speaking voice. It was loud. A lot of people turned. Dirk walked by and whispered, “Get some!” Dave was so red in the face that he matched his tie. He ran off towards the restroom. I walked to Rose and Kanaya, high-fiving them vigorously.

“God that was so much fun,” I gasped, laughing a little bit myself. Porrim gave me an appreciative thumbs-up.  
“Let’s be real, I probably would have done the same thing,” she sighed. I shot a couple finger-pistols at her with a toothy smile.

I noticed a couple familiar boys being accosted by Aradia. They were tied up in her whip.  
“Jade! Can you please tell them that we’re friends of yours?” Cronus yelled. I sighed, holding my hand to my face.  
“Nice to see you guys again. Don’t worry, Kan. They received similar treatment to me a while ago. They’re chill,” I confirmed to mom.  
“You’re sure?” Rose asked with concern. I nodded vehemently. Aradia reluctantly released them.

“We heard that you were going to be here, so we wanted to come see you!” Eridan said.  
“I missed you guys. Were you able to get away from your dad?” I said expectantly.  
“I tried. God, I tried, but we couldn’t get away without completely leaving the country. We don’t have anywhere to go that our dad can’t find us,” Cronus answered. I hugged him tightly.  
“I have some friends up in Maine. If you can get there yourself, they’ll let you in,” I said.  
“I still don’t want to leave dad. He doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Eridan muttered.  
“And I won’t leave without my brother,” Cronus added.  
“Then why did you come to see me? I won’t do anything more for you,” I growled, pushing them away from me.  
“Jade…please. He’s gotten better,” Eridan pleaded.  
“That doesn’t change what he’s done. I need to go find my ride. Gotta sleep a little for work tonight,” I said, heading off to the restroom to grab Dave.

“Are you done being a whiny pissbaby?” I asked, knocking on the bathroom door.  
“I trusted you, Harley,” he sighed.  
“That is a terrible, terrible decision, but you’re being overdramatic,” I growled.  
“Just like you’re being overdramatic when you’re having panic attacks,” Dave retorted. I took a deep breath.  
“Dave. I’ll tell you what happened in the car,” I said. He opened the door, holding my hand as we strolled out to his red Ford.

“Okay..out with it,” Dave sighed once the doors closed.  
“Dualscar assaulted and raped me. My safe word was chrysanthemum back when he was one of my clients,” I said quietly.  
“…Shit,” he mumbled.  
“Yeah,” I replied.  
“Where, uh, where does this Dualscar guy live?” Dave asked.  
“…Why do you want to know?” I said.  
“I may or may not want to kill him..very violently,” he muttered.  
“Dave, no. I can’t let you kill anyone for me,” I whimpered.  
“Well, he hurt you, and I can’t let him get away with that,” Dave growled.  
“The last time someone tried to kill someone for me, they died. I can’t let anyone else die for me. I’m not even worth it!” I cried, clinging to his arm.

I realized what I was doing with a start, scooting back to my seat. I looked down at my hands with a shaky sigh.  
“For the record, you are very worth it, but I won’t do it if you don’t want me to, Jade,” he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his touch slightly. “Want me to get your crew?” Dave asked. I nodded. He flash stepped to go get them. I couldn’t believe he used his flash-step just for me. I smiled a little. Maybe we could be friends after all.

~~~~~~~

The crew and I headed out for a patrol around town when I saw a fire burning at the town center about six months later. In the center of the mob was none other than the Signless himself. I told Karkat to stay in the car as John, Jake, and I donned our trench coats and headed into the crowd. Her Imperious Condescension decided to make an example of him. A couple hundred trolls cheered as she lit a pile of wood beneath him ablaze.

“We have to save him,” John whimpered.  
“No. We can’t do anything without putting the others at risk,” I replied, a couple tears trailing down my cheeks. They said nothing.

I saw the Disciple being hurried away by one of HIC’s henchmen. The indigo troll let her go. I took a deep breath. At least Nepeta’s mother was safe. I couldn’t say the same for the Dolorosa. I watched as she was sold to Mindfang for 8,888 boonbucks. (Fucking typical.) I knew that the Psiionic would be used to power one of HIC’s weapon generators, a sad fate for such a brilliant man.

I looked away as the flames reached the Signless’s skin, but in my surprise, he dissolved into dust the moment they touched him. Her Imperious Condescension must not have found anything fishy about this, so she let the stake continue to burn. The crowd went wild, and I was somewhat surprised that they didn’t light more fires. At a side alley, I noticed blond hair followed by a man in a cloak. I turned to walk back to the car, taking John and Jake with me.

“He survived,” I said once they slammed the car doors. (Rude.)  
“What? How? And how do you know?” Karkat asked with a certain wildness in his eyes.  
“Dave was able to time majyck him away to a side alley. He’s safe,” I answered.  
“Thank God,” he sighed, leaning his head forward into his hands.  
“Want me to drive, babe?” John asked.  
“….Yes,” Karkat said.

After this, I decided it would be a good idea to save the Dolorosa before Kanaya started calling us. I didn’t want her to get the same phone call I’d picked up all those years ago. When they told me that my parents were dead, I was with my babysitter. They were sleeping, and there was nothing I could do but cry. I refused to give her the same phone call.

When we arrived at Mindfang’s mansion, we were met with bulletproof glass. She was expecting us, but there’s a thousand ways to kill a spider. I picked the lock with ease, taking point. The house was eerily silent. I tip-toed along the wooden baseboards slowly.  
“Basement,” I whispered.

The staircase was easy enough to find. The door to it was open. The cavern was pitch black, as if all the lights had been shot out. I kept a pistol in one hand and a flashlight in the other. I heard a muffled scream and ran forward. Maybe it was the heaviness of my footsteps, but just as I entered the room, a shocked Dualscar aimed for the Dolorosa’s head. A blur of cerulean, Aranea, pushed his weapon to fire lower at the last possible second, firing into the Dolorosa’s stomach instead. Mindfang hissed in absolute fury, not even noticing my crew and I. She lunged for Dualscar. I shot into her open maw. Why did I do that? Why did I save my rapist’s life?

“Such a good baby,” he purred as he turned to me. I shot him in the leg and ran. Aranea made it away with us. I wouldn’t leave anyone with the man who nearly killed me, so I let her stay.  
“I tried to save her. Please believe me,” she pleaded through desperate breaths for air. I grabbed what looked like car keys from one of the kitchen counters and gave them to her.  
“Get out of here, kid,” I ordered, rushing to my own car.  
“Thank you, Jade Harley,” Aranea wheezed.  
“Just run as far as you can and never stop,” I growled as I took the driver’s seat. As soon as everyone was in, I gunned it. I couldn’t believed the rescue flopped that hard. I hadn’t flopped so hard since the job as some extra security for the Summoner. The bruises from my epic belly flop stayed for months afterwords.

“Jade,” Jake started.  
“What?” I grumbled.  
“Why did you save Dualscar?” he asked lowly.  
“I can’t think of an answer. I’m gonna chalk it up to reflex,” I said.  
“Are we going to try to free the Psiionic?” Karkat sighed, chugging down a lot of water.  
“No, genius. I can’t bear to repeat this. Plus, I’m not in top condition to go toe to toe with the Condesce tonight,” I answered, driving us to Sonic.  
“What are we going to do, then?” John asked.  
“We can’t take Lord English head on right now. There’s too few of us. I don’t want to drag anyone else into this either. I say we disrupt some of his business,” I mused as I put the vehicle in park.  
“God that sounds fun, but how?” Jake asked.  
“Cut supply lines for everything and direct the customers to somewhere more reputable. With better prices,” I suggested.  
“You’re a fucking genius, Harley!” Karkat said excitedly.  
“I try. Now, what do you guys want to drink?”

~~~~~~~

Laden with guilt over the Dolorosa, I took a day off that Saturday. I needed a few hours to myself, so I sashayed my way into my bar of choice. I needed the hardest, strongest drinks they could make. This was not, necessarily, the wisest choice, but I wanted to drown my sorrows for a few hours. I downed three shots of tequila and a half dozen beers when my vision started to get a little fuzzy around the edges. I figured that I should stop, as this was the time when bad decisions were made.

That’s when I saw my favorite bad decision: Dave motherfucking Strider.

“Sup, bby!” I yelled as he sat down next to me at the bar.  
“Oh wow. You are a very high-functioning drunk, Harley,” he muttered. I giggled, snorting intermittently.  
“Lol u are soooooo funny, Strirder,” I sighed, leaning on my hand in a way that I probably saw as flirtatious as fuck.  
“Okay, let’s get you home,” Dave suggested, taking my hand.  
“Woooooaaaah do I getsta go home with you, Davey? That’d b peachy!” I squealed, but I took my hand away. He looked at me questioningly as I walked out the back door. “What? U gotta at leeeaaast buy me dinner first!” I said, mock-seriously.

When I’d shut the door behind me, I saw violet bioluminescence.  
“Huh. Eridan,” I grumbled with distaste, grabbing my pistol from my thigh holster.  
“Wow you got hammered. Makes my job easier,” he sighed, blowing a dart at me.  
“Ow! You fucker! Get the fuck over here,” I ordered, going straight for him.

Even in my alcohol addled state, I wrestled him to the ground, slamming his face into the asphalt without a cent of remorse. He would grow up to be just like his father. I was fucking sure of it. While I was at it, I shot him full of holes. Just as I was about to do him in, I felt someone carrying me away.  
“Dave! Lemme go, you prick!” I screeched.

This absence of weight gave Eridan the opportunity to go for my eye. I screamed in agony, trying to push both of them away. I managed to kick my attacker away, giving him a broken thigh bone. I took a deep breath before throwing up all over Eridan.  
“Fucking shit, Jade,” I heard Dave mutter behind me. Right before I passed out. This would be a fun night to not remember when I woke up.


End file.
